Feb 09 2009
Mothers unite!
One of the things I envisioned blogging about when I first signed up with Today.com is the differences and similarities between working mothers and stay at home mothers. I know this topic is often passionately debated between the two sides. It seems like each side wants to prove they are the better mothers and why. Working moms are called selfish for choosing or finding it necessary to work and stay at home moms are considered too lazy to get a “real” job. I hope to avoid this typical bickering between the two sides while opening up meaningful communication so that all moms can achieve a better understanding and acceptance of each other.
I’m sure we all know the typical positions held by both sides of this subject. We’ve heard it on the news, talk shows, radio, etc. Again my goal is not to endlessly argue this matter. My opinion is that debating it is useless to all mothers because all mothers work extremely hard. I want to see all mothers come to that agreement because if we can’t accept that among each other how will we ever get men and the rest of the world to see how hard we work and how valuable we are?
I am going to attempt to prevent some of the typical disputes by explaining why I think it exists. Or maybe I’m going to cause what I’m trying to prevent, but here I go anyway. Basically I believe the argument occurs for two reasons: guilt and jealousy. It doesn’t matter if you’re a working, stay at home, work at home or whatever other title can be put in from of the word mother, you have guilt and jealousy. Honestly think about it, without getting defensive, and you may agree with what I’m saying here.
Working Moms (WMs):
Guilt:
- Leaving the kids in someone else’s care to work.
- Missing out on a lot of their children’s milestones and activities.
- Too tired after working all day to spend quality time with their children.
- Not enough time to spend quality time with their children.
Jealousy:
- May have no choice but to work and are jealous of SAHMs.
- Feel they are doing all the same “women” and “mommy” stuff and working on top of that.
Stay at Home Moms (SAHMs):
Guilt:
- Not contributing financially to the household.
- Not living up to everyone’s, including their own, expectations of a SAHM.
- Wanting time away from the kids.
Jealousy:
- No time away from the kids.
- Little to no adult interaction like working moms have with their co-workers all day.
These are just some of the examples of guilt and jealousy I believe these moms feel. There are probably more, but these are almost certainly the most common and basic of them. I suppose work at home moms probably fall into a bit of each side. I don’t really consider myself a work at home mom. I do some work for my husband’s trucking company and am looking for more ways to make money by working at home since the economy is going down the crapper. However, as it stands right now I am only “working at home” a few hours a week. So, for now at least, I’m going to pretty much stick to WMs and SAHMs.I imagine WMs and SAHMs already know all of the guilt and jealousy points I listed for both. This is why when debates take place on this topic each side goes into it already defensive of the perceptions they know the other side has about them. They also go in with the knowledge of how to best demean their “opponent.” It is like bringing kryptonite along when you’re going to fight superman. Knowing a person’s weakness (such as their guilt) makes it easier to hurt them.I’m not an expert on the subject and since I got laid off from my job while I was pregnant, I’ve never actually been a working mother. Obviously much of my knowledge on this will be as a SAHM. I grew up with a WM and have many WMs and SAHMs in my family. I trust this has given me quite a big of insight to the struggles and gratification of both situations.
I have many ideas and stories already in mind for future posts on this subject. However, I welcome any requests, information and fully support all comments regardless of if you agree or disagree with anything I write. All I ask is that everyone keep the comments clean, and by “clean” I mean no attacking, belittling or anything of that nature.
Thank you in advance and I am really looking forward to seeing how this goes!
Hi, and welcome to the world of blogging and today.com. I have been blogging at Today.com since May of 2008. I’ve having a great time and have learned quite a bit about this craft as well. I wish you a lot of luck with your blog. It takes a lot of work.
Good luck to you, this should prove to be very interesting. I’ve been both a SAHM and am now a WM yet again. Both sides have valid points, and I’ve felt the guilt in both instances. I’ll be watching this one.
Ah, the good old Mommy Wars! I’ve been maintaining for a long time that the Mommy Wars are hugely hyped by the media - which exacerbates the whole issue. I’ve been both a stay-at-home mom and a working mom — and a work-at-home-mom, just to round out the profile. The whole issue really bothers me because it’s divisive - it draws lines between women who could be supporting each other instead of arguing about who is harming their children more by making choices that make sense for them. The way I see it - every child deserves a mommy who is actively engaged with life to the point where she feels like a success, whether that success is in the workplace or in the home. Truth is, when momma’s happy, the whole household is a much happier place. Love your blog idea, welcome to today.com!
Thank you everyone for your feedback so far. I am very excited that other mommies are interested and feel the same way I do about ending the “Mommy Wars”
- Linda: I know what you mean about a mommy break and feeling like working work be easier for you personally. I know there are moms that have to work that wish they could stay home. Thinking about that makes me feel even more guilty about wishing that working outside the home was the best solution for my family, but alas it is not, and for now at least i will be a sahm and do the best job i can at that.
- chameleonsdream: I like how you pointed out how hyped up the mommy wars have become, and how it has caused women to be divided. Do you think maybe men conspired and created this to divide us so we’d fight each other instead of making progress in other ways… I know crazy talk but funny to think about.
Thanks again everyone for your support and feedback, I appreciate and look forward to more.